I just made out with a guy for $7.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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