I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
