Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
