Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
