He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
