my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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