i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
