I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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