I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I FOUND THE LEGS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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