just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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