Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
