I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
