i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
