I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
