Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
