Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
