This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
