Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
