I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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