I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Houston, we have a squirter
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
