I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
