they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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