My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
