I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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