Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
