I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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