You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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