i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
