you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
