listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
