Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
