I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
My ATM looks so different sober.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
