I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
