my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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