He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
