you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
