the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
