Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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