I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
