Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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