Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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