I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
