one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i came on her dog
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
