they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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