It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
