dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
