get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
