All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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