I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
