I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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