Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
