I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
