Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
