So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
