She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
