i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
