also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
